alchemy | If your external world is unstable, your internal order must increase

Living a life in retrograde can be daunting. The reevaluation and ever-evolving happen in the resurfaced information. The day I woke up knowing what I was here to do, I didn't announce it.

I didn't post it or perform it immediately. I sat with it the way you sit with something sacred quietly, in the dark, before the world could get to it.

My circumstances hadn't changed. My bills were still what they were. The relationships I had outgrown were still in my phone. The dreams I'd shelved were still there, gathering dust in the corners of my chest. The remembering.

What changed was me, and it wasn't overnight. Over time, again and again, you see. Through doing the kind of work nobody posts about and has actually lived or experienced.

I want to tell you how I got there, but I have to start from the middle because that's where most of us actually live. Out of all your hardships in life, the middle is where the most recent jewels are revealed. You know who has no repsonsibility for their growth? Babies. A baby doesn't have to do the work on themselves that you have to do. Tighten up.

Why do we keep looking outside ourselves for the thing that was always waiting inside? We chase pills for the weight we carry in our bodies. We scroll for the peace we can't find in our minds. We outsource our transformation and wonder why we keep arriving back at ourselves, unchanged.

What if the weight you're trying to lose isn't in your body? What if it lives in your thought patterns in the stagnant energy of rooms where you've cried too long, in the stories you've told yourself so many times they stopped feeling like stories and started feeling like facts?

The heaviest thing you will ever carry is not grief.

It is the version of yourself you keep performing

for people who forgot you existed. - Unknown

You feel everything, and that is a frequency. Empaths don't feel too much, dah'ling. They feel accurate in a world that has been numbed into comfort, complacency, and lower ranking isms. And that sensitivity is an extraordinary ability to pick up what is unspoken, unfelt, unprocessed by everyone else; it becomes a wound when you don't know how to transmute what you absorb.

You picked up other people's heaviness and called it your own. You replayed conversations at 3 am like a scavenger hunter on a quest for treasure. You made yourself smaller to fit into rooms that were already too small for you. You helped everyone find their way while getting more lost inside yourself. Just look at you.

And the loneliest part? Nobody saw it or cared to notice. Because you were too good at it naturally, mmmkay. I know this because I lived it for years. Moving forward.

I became an alchemist the day I stopped trying to escape my darkness and started asking what it was made of.

Alchemy is not magic but methodology. It is the ancient practice of taking the base of what is, the raw/unrefined and transforming it into something of extraordinary value. Like, lead into gold, pain into purpose, or fear into the clarity that nothing can shake. Here is a few things I did and what you can copy...

01 I Named What I Was Carrying Without Apology

It assessed, "I'm stressed." What specifically? Not "Something feels off." What pattern, exactly? Vague suffering is the kind that stays longest, because it has no edges or clear identity. I got specific with my darkness in the underworld of shadow work. I gave it a name, an origin, a shape. That act alone with the willingness to look directly, is the beginning of transmutation. Call a thing a thing. You see.

02 I Stopped Running From the Thought and Ran Toward Its Root

Every negative thought pattern has an origin, a that baseline, stems from somewhere. Not just a REASON an origin. When I traced mine back, I found beliefs that didn't even belong to me or my legacy. They were inherited, and absorbed. Installed by circumstances and people who were themselves unhealed (shout out to the ancestors who elevated once I chose my truth, let's go). I uninstalled them one journal entry, one step, one right thought, and one right action at a time. One honest conversation with myself, The Most High, and The Ladies at a time. You definetly need assistance.

03 I Cleared My Space as Aggressively as I Cleared My Mind

This is the practice most people skip or try to avoid as if bypassing the steps will garner longevity. And it's the reason so many people do the inner work and still feel stuck or in a loopty-loop. Your environment is a living record of your energy. The spaces where you've suffered, stagnated, and spiraled hold that frequency in their walls, their floors, their corners. You can shift your mindset and still wake up every morning breathing in the residue of your old self, because the room hasn't caught up yet. I began clearing my space with the same intention I brought to clearing my mind. I stopped treating it as superstition and I started treating it as maintenance. The part of the work that entails fresh starts.

04 I Practiced Discernment as a Spiritual Discipline

Not every thought deserves engagement and not every emotion needs an audience. TF I learned to sit with feeling without becoming it. That is the alchemist's most critical skill, presence without possession. To hold the darkness without being consumed by it, dah'ling. To witness the pattern without identifying AS IT.

05 I Protected My Clarity Like It Was a Livelihood

Because it is, THE FUCK YOU THOUGHT. Once I woke up to my purpose and my gifts, my innate superpowers, the things I was simply built to do I stopped sharing them with everyone. Some rooms diminish you, your light, and your birthright. Some people are energetic extractors, vampires, and agents of chaos. Knowing what you carry means knowing where not to spend it.

Waking up to your purpose isn't a reason to broadcast (the revolution will not be televised.) It's a reason to protect, prepare, and prevail.

Body & Floor Wash | The Three-Day Clearing Ritual

The work I just described? It doesn't happen in a vacuum at all. It happens in a body, home, and mind. In the physical space where your life takes place. This formula was born out of my own practice, the ritual of clearing the body and the home simultaneously, because you cannot fully shift internally if your external environment is still holding the old story in its floors and its walls.

Yes, you can do this without herbal blends, as mentioned in my class, From Stagnant House to Sacred Home, which identified the home's chakras environment and reclaibration of your space.

However, three intentional days with intention and clarity are needed. This formula is built to uproot stagnant energy, uplift the spiritual system within you, and reset the energetic atmosphere of the spaces you live and move in. It is not magic in a bottle, but it is support for the work you are already doing. Like a physical anchor for a deeply internal process. Available for pre-order exclusively in the Mystic Pantry right here on the site.

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You might be reading this in a moment of quiet desperation. In a season of numbness. In the gap between who you were and who you feel yourself becoming, unsure whether becoming is even real or just something people say.

Maybe you've been going through the motions and smiling at the right moments. Carrying more than you've ever said out loud or to your therapist. Helping everyone else find their footing while losing ground inside yourself. That's going to be a no and stop right now.

That is not your permanent state but your current one. And the fact that you feel deeply that you care so much it sometimes hurts, that is not your problem. That is your power, before it has been refined and intentionally redefined. The work is the refining whilst the problems are declining.

You are not broken but unrefined. There is nothing outside of you that will transmute what is happening inside of you. Not the drug, relationship, validation, and not the number on a scale or a follower count or anyone else's approval of how you are living your life. Alchemy has always been an inside job. But here is the part they never tell you, which is, you don't have to do it alone. You just have to do it consistently, my dear.

stop just being okay and actually begin becoming whole

Every week at HLCU, we release newsletters and podcast episodes built as antidotes and practical conversations and tools for staying in alignment with your assignment, doing the work that leads back to yourself, and building the kind of interior life that makes your exterior world make sense.

For the ones who feel deeply. For the ones like me who feel lonely in rooms full of people. For the ones who know there is more, and are finally ready to do the work that gets them there. This is not self-help that talks at you but to you. This is a community of people who are in it, clearing the residue, becoming the alchemist, making the world a better place by first becoming better within themselves. Https://www.hlcu.substack.com

I love you and wish you nothing but the best! May we all live an abundant and prosperous life.

Lulu and The Ladies et al.